The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
