You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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