I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
