Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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