before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
