Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
