Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
