My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My vagina just recognized that song.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
