one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I had to cum in my sink.
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