We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
