u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
