Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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