So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
