While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
