This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just googled if crying burns calories
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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