I'm really into asian looking animals
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
did i just pee glitter
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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