She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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