I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
