I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
