I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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