I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
