i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
