last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
