Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
