i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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