Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
