He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
did i walk over a car last night?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
