before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize