how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
