I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
