officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
