i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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