my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
