Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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