just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
