Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
