Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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