Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
