Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
