Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
