I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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