So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
