Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
