He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
