I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
