shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
