Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
