Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
