Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My Sexting was not on an AP level
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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