And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
