I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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