Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize