it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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