I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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