one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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