What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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