cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize