My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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