Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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