Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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