the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
