The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
