and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
