apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
