dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
