I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
