You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So squirting runs in the family.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
