I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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