I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
