I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
