Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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