im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
