So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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