im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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