I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize