bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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