Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
