It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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