I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
tell me about the fingering
Randomize