In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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