It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
