It's just like the Real World with babies
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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