I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize