I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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