Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
