"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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