Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
