So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
