I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize