Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
where are you?
Hypothermia
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
