Just fell off a train. Bad.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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